THE BEAN.

THE BEAN

Entering the Bean on the corner of 1st Ave and 3rd St, one is at first overwhelmed by the amount of space this coffee shop has. With East Villagey decor and a $1.50 small coffee, you would expect this to be more of a hole-in-the-wall, but you're actually almost guaranteed to find a place to sit. How cool is that! There are even window seats, which is pretty much the raddest (if you find yourself getting paranoid about the cushions, just sit in a chair, I guess).

The coffee and food are good. Not magical, not awful, a nice solid good, with prompt service by pixie-cut maybe-lesbians. Pretty much everybody on the staff wears a beanie. Important thing to know: they take cards, and there isn't a debit limit. Which means you can get your two dollar cafe au lait without using up the last of your cash before hitting up the Tompkins Square farmer's market. Okay, maybe that's just my day....

My problems with the Bean: even if you're staying, they don't have mugs but will give you your coffee in a cardboard thing. That seems kind of wasteful, right? Also, in theory they have wireless internet, but in reality it totally doesn't function, which sucks.

But the atmosphere makes this a nice place to study or chill or talk. The music is played at a non-obnoxious volume; the customers pretty much mind their own business, but as always they have that New York gregariousness which is so lovely to see and partake in. Actually, I believe that the people who frequent the Bean are among the most beautiful in New York. The East Village / LES is full of good-looking people anyway, especially now that it's winter and everybody's busting out their coats and boots. But the people here is particularly cute. (Guy with the red glasses frames and good teeth... I'll be here next Sunday if you are!) And if you aren't really feeling the decrepit old guy sitting at the table next to yours, you can always gaze pensively out the windows, which take up two entire walls and therefore make people-watching as easy as it will ever be. There are even a series of benches outside if you want to sit and smoke or something, or if the weather is great (I miss those days...).

So overall, worth hitting up whether you want a quick coffee fix or a place to chill for the whole day.

Grade: 3.5/5 COJ

Cafe Mocha

Located at 2nd Ave. and 7th St., Cafe Mocha is the single most convenient place for me to go for coffee before class. It is one block from Cooper Square, for any New Yorkers who have obligations there.

It took me a long time to make it in there because:

a) it is sort of dark and scary-looking and

b) it is also kind of a restaurant.

But, lured in by the promise of cheap brunch and the name "Cafe," I finally made it in here-- and now I'm practically a regular (at least, as close to one as a coffee-player like me can get). Cafe Mocha serves a quality cup of java, and they even do that thing with the lattes where they draw you pictures in it. It's pretty cute. What's more, they have a pretty comprehensive selection of pastries. And they make smoothies! For real! There are a lot of options here, which is part of why this place is so great.

But I think the main selling point for me-- and maybe this is kind of cheesy-- is the friendliness of the atmosphere. These are the most attentive and smiley baristas I have ever had the fortune to meet. They will tell you they like your coat; volunteer discounts; generally radiate a goodwill toward man. ALL OF THEM. If someone told me these people piss mochas and shit cupcakes, it would not entirely shock me. They are probably all immigrants from Candyland. It is that serious.

Plus also they have a student discount.

4.3/5 mugs of battery acid (in a good way!!!)

ETA: The brunch is fantastic, no lie. Biggest mug of coffee ever and pretty fabulous French toast. Check it out next weekend!

3rd Rail

Over the past several weeks, Katy and I have been swamped. Results of this included multiple nervous breakdowns and the eventual inception of my radio show, which will be on air every Monday from 10AM-12pm on wnyu.org, so everybody should tune in. Other results of this are that we have been failing at updating this blog... but, due to our reasonable human needs, we have not been failing at continuing to drink (and evaluate) coffee.

One of the places we've started to frequent is 3rd Rail, located at Sullivan and 3rd st (extra handy because it is about two feet from Bobst Library, an important location for midterm-related freakouts). Tiny, clean, classy place with sweet wooden benches and cute little round tables. Drip coffee: good. (They make it in vases, which is super awesome to see.) Espresso drinks (esp. lattes): alright; Katy swears by them. Pastries: good. The prices are really reasonable (8oz. latte is $3.50; medium drip is around $2), and the baristas are way nice and real adorable. Everybody in this place is well-dressed. But also none of them would judge on you if you looked ratty, so don't worry! Everybody knows how it is when you are in that zombielike state of pre-caffeination. The populace of this coffee shop is particularly friendly, maybe because of the setup where all of you are sort of sitting together, as if on the L train. People here usually aren't on laptops. Instead they are reading used books or talking with friends. It's an old-school class act.

Also notable is the awesome heating system at 3rd rail. Their heater pipes are wrapped in this rope stuff which is the best thing to snuggle on a rainy day. It's a good break from the recent development of Real Autumn, which while often wonderful can be uncomfortable too.

And Katy is in love with one of the baristas (he's from Michigan!).

So overall, we dig 3rd Rail Coffee. Scope it sometime.

Rating: 4.5/5 cups of black gold

Everyman Espresso

So it's been awhile since we've updated--we are students, we apologize. Anyways--today something tremendous happened--I have found a new gold standard. For months, I have been singing the praises of Joe and haven't found anything better--until today.
I've wanted to try Everyman for months--the NY Times listed it as one of the best coffee places in NYC, and it happens to be directly across from my dorm. I wandered in to Everyman in the afternoon after a caffeine deprived day--which is never good.

I ordered an americano, not really expecting anything life changing. Needless to say, I was completely wrong--for lack of a better phrase, it rocked my world. I can honestly say that it is hands down the best americano I have had in my life. It is also the best coffee I've had since I left Seattle in August. It was perfect--strong but not bitter, rich flavor, and just the right amount of acidity. I usually put milk and sugar in my coffee, but I drank this straight. Adding stuff to it seemed like blasphemy. That was how sinfully delicious it was.

The place itself is pretty basic--there are lots of tables and chairs, some benches by the wall. It's a nice little haven from the hustle and bustle of Union Square.

To sum up: go. Now. They also play baller music--the barista was rocking out to Aretha when I was there.

Rating: Coffee Nirvana. Conventional rating systems are rendered irrelevant.

Located: E. 13th st between 3rd ave & 4th ave.

JOE: THE ART OF COFFEE.

Okay, now that we've started off this blog with a brutally honest review to show that we really mean business, maybe it's time to explain our current gold standard of coffee: Joe.

Located at 141 Waverly; 9 E. 13th; 405 W. 23rd; 44 Grand Central Terminal; and 514 Columbus. The one we tend to haunt is on 13th street, a little hole-in-the-wall which can be difficult to find, especially in the sleepy haze we are usually in when hunting down coffee. But once you find the friendly little logo (placed here for your convenience) you know that salvation is only a few steps away. Enter Joe and you find yourself surrounded (almost literally, because the venue is pretty tiny) by friendly and shockingly courteous people-- both the baristas and the customers.

Actually, this goodness and politeness isn't so surprising, even among New Yorkers, because everybody in Joe is so damn happy. There is a very simple reason for this joy: the coffee at Joe is guaranteed to make your day.

Every time I REALLY need it, every time I know I can't risk my drink getting fucked up, because it's raining and I missed a class and I haven't eaten yet and somebody yelled at me for tripping on the sidewalk and my umbrella broke in the wind... I limp over to Joe, a sprained soul making a pilgrimage to the one place I know I will be taken care of.

The first sip erases all your problems. Your body thrills to the pure, light beauty that is entering it. It is like somebody is playing Vivaldi in your mouth. Just that first sip would be enough to get you singing and dancing like Joseph Gordon-Levitt in 500 Days of Summer, but you never, never want it to end.

Granted, I usually get a latte here because they are kickass. Katy is going to have to tell you guys about their drip coffee. But I have ultimate faith in Joe. In fact, my devotion to and support of this coffee shop is only comparable to my love of Barack Obama. (Sorry, Palin fans who are reading this. Go take a reality check.)

So all in all, in this endeavor we're taking on, every place will ultimately be compared to Joe, the coffee that I wish could be inside me every second of every day. Will we find something better? Part of me hopes so. But most of me believes that is impossible. Nevertheless, we'll keep on hunting. But in the meantime, when you really need a pick-me-up, skip the sketchy dealers in the square and shell over a couple of bucks for a cup of joe.

5.1/5 cups of lifesaving nectar

Gorilla Coffee

I take my coffee seriously. I'm not a complete douche about it (most days), but I have some serious standards. I also happen to be severely addicted. If it weren't completely creepy and weird, I would write sonnets and love songs about coffee.

I ventured to Gorilla Coffee this past spring after hearing great things from classmates and The New York Times, and although my expectations were not met, I found my maple latte to be both delicious and creative, and would highly recommend it to anyone looking for something a little different.

On Saturday, I found myself there again, in dire circumstances. Due to both laziness and the fact that New York City has felt like Hell on Earth for the past several days, there is currently not a bean of coffee (or appliances to make it with) to be found in my dorm room. For a good 72 hours, caffeine was completely absent from my system. It's been a rough few days, and I have no one to blame but myself. I don't know why I try these "let's see how many days I can go without drinking coffee" experiments, because they always end in me lying in the fetal position, lamenting my lack of joe to basically anyone who will listen (I wish I were kidding).

Long story short, Saturday found me in need of some coffee. I was so desperate, I even considered going to Starbucks. It was pretty serious. The store's sign was like a beacon of hope, assuring me that I would get some good, strong coffee. I made my way to the counter, ordered what to me was a medium iced coffee, but to normal (more sane) people sounded something like "coffee. roast of the day. medium. iceeedd". I know, I have a serious problem.

I got my coffee, paid my $2.25, added my milk and dash of sugar, took a sip, and then promptly stopped. Something was wrong. The coffee had this weird aftertaste that was pretty rough. Like I would have taken a burnt Starbucks over this stuff. And unlike burnt coffee, I couldn't make it go away by adding cream and sugar. I don't know if Gorilla was having an off day, but I could not finish even half of my coffee, which considering my abhorrence for wasting the stuff and my deprivation, is a pretty serious thing to do. To repeat Maya, new low.

I don't think I'll be returning to Gorilla Coffee anytime soon. I do understand that off days happen. However, if I'm going to be shelling out anywhere from $2 to $5 for a cup of coffee, it should be good every time I get it. Gorilla is in a lovely neighborhood, and is fairly close to Prospect Park, which is absolute heaven on earth, especially on gorgeous days like Saturday. The place itself is cute in an unfinished kind of way--mostly wooden tables and chairs taken up by unsocial laptop users. In terms of coffee, should you find yourself there, I would stick strictly to espresso drinks, as the coffee is pretty inconsistent in quality.


1.5/5 cups of joe

Gorilla Coffee: 97 5th Ave, Brooklyn

Prospect Park is always a great place to go when you need some grassy slopes to counteract the concrete right angles of the city. Every time I traverse the river to Brooklyn and see those skies open up, I automatically find myself in a good mood, and on my way to Prospect Park I was practically skipping in the streets. I was feeling optimistic about my coffee.

Gorilla Coffee is sort of on the way to the park, so we headed over there to scope it out. I got a pretty decent iced latte there once, and the maple latte was strange but intriguing, but today I was feeling cheap and too amped to really need an espresso fix, so I opted for a small iced coffee ($1.75). To my dismay, they were out of pretty much all the kinds of milk. Also the coffee tasted really strange... not terrible in the way that my coffee tasted when I was using a soap-corrupted filter, but bad. Sort of sour. No amount of sugar could mask the issue. Katy and I both gave up on our drinks without finishing them-- an unprecedented feat for something that we actually spend money on. NEW LOW?

On the other hand, Audrey's mocha, although it took a long time to get made, was pretty good. In conclusion: Gorilla's espresso drinks are fine, but the coffee is at best inconsistent-- and that's never a good thing. The ambiance is alright (cute red tables; populace of mostly loners reading or on their laptops), but not incredible. Coffee isn't terribly overpriced, but not a great deal either (fancy espresso drinks are $3.75).

1.5/5 cups a joe