THE BEAN.

THE BEAN

Entering the Bean on the corner of 1st Ave and 3rd St, one is at first overwhelmed by the amount of space this coffee shop has. With East Villagey decor and a $1.50 small coffee, you would expect this to be more of a hole-in-the-wall, but you're actually almost guaranteed to find a place to sit. How cool is that! There are even window seats, which is pretty much the raddest (if you find yourself getting paranoid about the cushions, just sit in a chair, I guess).

The coffee and food are good. Not magical, not awful, a nice solid good, with prompt service by pixie-cut maybe-lesbians. Pretty much everybody on the staff wears a beanie. Important thing to know: they take cards, and there isn't a debit limit. Which means you can get your two dollar cafe au lait without using up the last of your cash before hitting up the Tompkins Square farmer's market. Okay, maybe that's just my day....

My problems with the Bean: even if you're staying, they don't have mugs but will give you your coffee in a cardboard thing. That seems kind of wasteful, right? Also, in theory they have wireless internet, but in reality it totally doesn't function, which sucks.

But the atmosphere makes this a nice place to study or chill or talk. The music is played at a non-obnoxious volume; the customers pretty much mind their own business, but as always they have that New York gregariousness which is so lovely to see and partake in. Actually, I believe that the people who frequent the Bean are among the most beautiful in New York. The East Village / LES is full of good-looking people anyway, especially now that it's winter and everybody's busting out their coats and boots. But the people here is particularly cute. (Guy with the red glasses frames and good teeth... I'll be here next Sunday if you are!) And if you aren't really feeling the decrepit old guy sitting at the table next to yours, you can always gaze pensively out the windows, which take up two entire walls and therefore make people-watching as easy as it will ever be. There are even a series of benches outside if you want to sit and smoke or something, or if the weather is great (I miss those days...).

So overall, worth hitting up whether you want a quick coffee fix or a place to chill for the whole day.

Grade: 3.5/5 COJ

Cafe Mocha

Located at 2nd Ave. and 7th St., Cafe Mocha is the single most convenient place for me to go for coffee before class. It is one block from Cooper Square, for any New Yorkers who have obligations there.

It took me a long time to make it in there because:

a) it is sort of dark and scary-looking and

b) it is also kind of a restaurant.

But, lured in by the promise of cheap brunch and the name "Cafe," I finally made it in here-- and now I'm practically a regular (at least, as close to one as a coffee-player like me can get). Cafe Mocha serves a quality cup of java, and they even do that thing with the lattes where they draw you pictures in it. It's pretty cute. What's more, they have a pretty comprehensive selection of pastries. And they make smoothies! For real! There are a lot of options here, which is part of why this place is so great.

But I think the main selling point for me-- and maybe this is kind of cheesy-- is the friendliness of the atmosphere. These are the most attentive and smiley baristas I have ever had the fortune to meet. They will tell you they like your coat; volunteer discounts; generally radiate a goodwill toward man. ALL OF THEM. If someone told me these people piss mochas and shit cupcakes, it would not entirely shock me. They are probably all immigrants from Candyland. It is that serious.

Plus also they have a student discount.

4.3/5 mugs of battery acid (in a good way!!!)

ETA: The brunch is fantastic, no lie. Biggest mug of coffee ever and pretty fabulous French toast. Check it out next weekend!

3rd Rail

Over the past several weeks, Katy and I have been swamped. Results of this included multiple nervous breakdowns and the eventual inception of my radio show, which will be on air every Monday from 10AM-12pm on wnyu.org, so everybody should tune in. Other results of this are that we have been failing at updating this blog... but, due to our reasonable human needs, we have not been failing at continuing to drink (and evaluate) coffee.

One of the places we've started to frequent is 3rd Rail, located at Sullivan and 3rd st (extra handy because it is about two feet from Bobst Library, an important location for midterm-related freakouts). Tiny, clean, classy place with sweet wooden benches and cute little round tables. Drip coffee: good. (They make it in vases, which is super awesome to see.) Espresso drinks (esp. lattes): alright; Katy swears by them. Pastries: good. The prices are really reasonable (8oz. latte is $3.50; medium drip is around $2), and the baristas are way nice and real adorable. Everybody in this place is well-dressed. But also none of them would judge on you if you looked ratty, so don't worry! Everybody knows how it is when you are in that zombielike state of pre-caffeination. The populace of this coffee shop is particularly friendly, maybe because of the setup where all of you are sort of sitting together, as if on the L train. People here usually aren't on laptops. Instead they are reading used books or talking with friends. It's an old-school class act.

Also notable is the awesome heating system at 3rd rail. Their heater pipes are wrapped in this rope stuff which is the best thing to snuggle on a rainy day. It's a good break from the recent development of Real Autumn, which while often wonderful can be uncomfortable too.

And Katy is in love with one of the baristas (he's from Michigan!).

So overall, we dig 3rd Rail Coffee. Scope it sometime.

Rating: 4.5/5 cups of black gold

JOE: THE ART OF COFFEE.

Okay, now that we've started off this blog with a brutally honest review to show that we really mean business, maybe it's time to explain our current gold standard of coffee: Joe.

Located at 141 Waverly; 9 E. 13th; 405 W. 23rd; 44 Grand Central Terminal; and 514 Columbus. The one we tend to haunt is on 13th street, a little hole-in-the-wall which can be difficult to find, especially in the sleepy haze we are usually in when hunting down coffee. But once you find the friendly little logo (placed here for your convenience) you know that salvation is only a few steps away. Enter Joe and you find yourself surrounded (almost literally, because the venue is pretty tiny) by friendly and shockingly courteous people-- both the baristas and the customers.

Actually, this goodness and politeness isn't so surprising, even among New Yorkers, because everybody in Joe is so damn happy. There is a very simple reason for this joy: the coffee at Joe is guaranteed to make your day.

Every time I REALLY need it, every time I know I can't risk my drink getting fucked up, because it's raining and I missed a class and I haven't eaten yet and somebody yelled at me for tripping on the sidewalk and my umbrella broke in the wind... I limp over to Joe, a sprained soul making a pilgrimage to the one place I know I will be taken care of.

The first sip erases all your problems. Your body thrills to the pure, light beauty that is entering it. It is like somebody is playing Vivaldi in your mouth. Just that first sip would be enough to get you singing and dancing like Joseph Gordon-Levitt in 500 Days of Summer, but you never, never want it to end.

Granted, I usually get a latte here because they are kickass. Katy is going to have to tell you guys about their drip coffee. But I have ultimate faith in Joe. In fact, my devotion to and support of this coffee shop is only comparable to my love of Barack Obama. (Sorry, Palin fans who are reading this. Go take a reality check.)

So all in all, in this endeavor we're taking on, every place will ultimately be compared to Joe, the coffee that I wish could be inside me every second of every day. Will we find something better? Part of me hopes so. But most of me believes that is impossible. Nevertheless, we'll keep on hunting. But in the meantime, when you really need a pick-me-up, skip the sketchy dealers in the square and shell over a couple of bucks for a cup of joe.

5.1/5 cups of lifesaving nectar