Gorilla Coffee

I take my coffee seriously. I'm not a complete douche about it (most days), but I have some serious standards. I also happen to be severely addicted. If it weren't completely creepy and weird, I would write sonnets and love songs about coffee.

I ventured to Gorilla Coffee this past spring after hearing great things from classmates and The New York Times, and although my expectations were not met, I found my maple latte to be both delicious and creative, and would highly recommend it to anyone looking for something a little different.

On Saturday, I found myself there again, in dire circumstances. Due to both laziness and the fact that New York City has felt like Hell on Earth for the past several days, there is currently not a bean of coffee (or appliances to make it with) to be found in my dorm room. For a good 72 hours, caffeine was completely absent from my system. It's been a rough few days, and I have no one to blame but myself. I don't know why I try these "let's see how many days I can go without drinking coffee" experiments, because they always end in me lying in the fetal position, lamenting my lack of joe to basically anyone who will listen (I wish I were kidding).

Long story short, Saturday found me in need of some coffee. I was so desperate, I even considered going to Starbucks. It was pretty serious. The store's sign was like a beacon of hope, assuring me that I would get some good, strong coffee. I made my way to the counter, ordered what to me was a medium iced coffee, but to normal (more sane) people sounded something like "coffee. roast of the day. medium. iceeedd". I know, I have a serious problem.

I got my coffee, paid my $2.25, added my milk and dash of sugar, took a sip, and then promptly stopped. Something was wrong. The coffee had this weird aftertaste that was pretty rough. Like I would have taken a burnt Starbucks over this stuff. And unlike burnt coffee, I couldn't make it go away by adding cream and sugar. I don't know if Gorilla was having an off day, but I could not finish even half of my coffee, which considering my abhorrence for wasting the stuff and my deprivation, is a pretty serious thing to do. To repeat Maya, new low.

I don't think I'll be returning to Gorilla Coffee anytime soon. I do understand that off days happen. However, if I'm going to be shelling out anywhere from $2 to $5 for a cup of coffee, it should be good every time I get it. Gorilla is in a lovely neighborhood, and is fairly close to Prospect Park, which is absolute heaven on earth, especially on gorgeous days like Saturday. The place itself is cute in an unfinished kind of way--mostly wooden tables and chairs taken up by unsocial laptop users. In terms of coffee, should you find yourself there, I would stick strictly to espresso drinks, as the coffee is pretty inconsistent in quality.


1.5/5 cups of joe